As you know just a little over a month ago I lost my mother. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever been through. You run things through your mind that you should have said….should have done. In the end your just left feeling lost. I didn’t have time to fully deal with my emotions. My sister and I had to have everything out of my moms apartment by the end of the week. Thank goodness for our husbands who have been our rocks. Then I had to step up and be the one to make medical decisions for my grandmother. There was hospital visits, nursing home, and finally hospice coming in. She even started feeling better. Which the Dr. had warned me about it. I knew in my head it meant the end was close, but in my heart all I saw was that she was up in a chair with no oxygen. Reminiscing about all our old weekend adventures.
I was having trouble emotionally trying to do everything. Be a mother, a wife, a caretaker, a blogger, and deal with my grief. So I admitted it and asked for help.
My grandmother went by many names in her life Aliie Jane Laswell, Aliie Allen, Allie Greer. She played many parts. Mother, Sister, Aunt, Cousin, Friend, but she was my grandmother. She practically raised me. She taught me the difference of right and wrong. She taught me how to love. She was the only person in my younger years who loved me unconditionally. I loved spending time with her over the past few weeks.
Last week she had a “significant medical event” that they think was a stroke. My husband and I rushed down and I held her hand and cried. She couldn’t see. She couldn’t talk, but she knew I was there. She would moan and rub my arm. She was trapped in her body. I hated seeing her like that. 2 days later she passed and I know she’s in a better place.
We just got back from Indiana where her services were held and I took the kids to a favorite spot my grandma would take me to read. The Rose Garden at Glen Miller Park. I saw this rose and I felt hope. Today I don’t feel the urge to ignore everything and crawl into bed. Today is the day my life begins again. I now have 2 guardian angels watching over me. So except LOTS of catch up posts and updates and fun. I want to learn how to enjoy life with my family again.